TGL Volume 5, Chapter 23 (5)

The ruler’s amazing! She’s using the same Footsteps of the Giant and Steady Mountain Footwork as me, but somehow, she looks so graceful while using them! How is she doing it? It’s very strange. They’re the same movements I can make, but … something’s different. I got it! Her tail is curled in front of her belly, so the key to being graceful is by pretending to be pregnant! …That doesn’t sound right. When Softie was pregnant, she wasn’t very graceful at all. She was more like a doll made of eggshells. Hmm. 

“The Eternal Shadow Sect will never let you off for this!” 

The old man is awfully angry for someone who provoked us first. Ah? He only came after us because the jet fired a beam of spiritual energy at him? Nonsense. That was an accident, and after we apologized, he should’ve been satisfied with that and left. Instead, he resorted to violence! Mm? Now that I think about it, did we apologize? Ah, who cares about the tiny little details? They’re unimportant. What’s important is figuring out how the ruler’s so gracefully smacking people with a hammer. I think I can spot a few differences. 

First of all, the ruler holds the hammer completely differently from me. I usually hold the middle of the hammer’s shaft with one hand and the butt of the hammer with the other. It’s similar to how I hold my sword if I’m going to swing it with two hands. The ruler, on the other hand, holds the hammer at its very butt with both her hands, her right hand directly above her left. Mm, she’s leading with the hammer too. Rather than her controlling the hammer, it’s more like the hammer is controlling her. Her movements are very continuous, and instead of stopping to change the direction of her next attack, her whole body rotates and turns in different ways to swing the hammer all the way around and at someone else. She’s using her waist a whole lot more than I do. It’s a good thing she isn’t actually pregnant, or the baby inside of her would barf from all the twists and turns. 

Learning just by watching feels a little strange. Is this what it means to be a genius? After all the impurities were torn away from my brain, and after my meridians were trimmed and regrown, I might’ve turned into an actual genius! Even if I’m the ruler’s crush’s descendant, she wouldn’t take me in as her disciple if I were a moron, right? Right. As I thought, I’m amazing. Too bad I don’t have a spare hammer to copy the ruler. Is she going to come back with the hammer to let me try it out? I wonder…, if I think hard enough, can the ruler Soul Scour me from a distance and read my mind? I want a hammer; I want a hammer; I want a hammer; I want a hammer; I want— 

“Here.” 

Ah!? It worked!? The ruler’s back! 

“You saw what I did, right?” the ruler asked and placed the hammer into my waiting hands. “Don’t rely on your upper body to generate force; the hammer’s weight is enough by itself. Use your hips more; guide the hammer with your core. And next time, just shout for me instead of yelling at me with your thoughts.” 

Yelling at her with my thoughts? She actually heard me!? What is this long-distance Soul Scour, and how can I learn it? 

“When you become a supreme immortal, you’ll be able to do it as well.” 

“…Are you always monitoring my thoughts?” 

“Just for now,” the ruler said and patted my head. “I have to make sure you’re not being consumed by the Forlorn Angel Pill’s side effect, remember?” 

“You can hear everything I’m thinking about? Everything?” 

“Yep.” 

Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have anything shameful to hide! Do I have things that aren’t shameful that I have to hide? Hmm. I don’t think I do…. Still, it’s a little weird knowing the ruler’s sharing my head with me, kind of like pooping with the door open in public. That’s right, thoughts and poops deserve the same amount of privacy. 

The ruler rolled her eyes. “I don’t watch you when you poop,” she said. “Besides, with my cultivation level, I can see through your clothes without even trying. I already know what you look like naked.” 

Oh, gee, thanks, that makes me feel so much better. It seems like there’s only one thing I need to do: I need to become a supreme immortal for the sake of my privacy! Actually, I have plenty of things I need to do, huh? I have to capture a void dragon. I have to figure out what happened to Atlantis. I have to find a treasure that can help someone naturally produce spiritual energy. Now, I have to work on becoming a supreme immortal too! That’s … four whole goals I have to accomplish—which is way more than three! Any more tasks and, soon, there won’t be enough numbers to assign to all of them. 

“Alright, alright,” the ruler said and placed her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t think too hard about things before a battle. Just like how you shouldn’t exercise to exhaustion before fighting someone, if you think too much, you’ll wear down your brain. Also, use your brain a little more when you fight; don’t always rely on your instincts.” 

Ah? I always use my brain when I fight! According to Ilya, the brain is an analytical organ. I’m always analyzing my opponent: how rich they look, how helpful they’ll be to me, how hard I’d have to hit them with a hammer to make them listen to my orders. 

“Yes, but use your brain to analyze their movements to figure out what they’ll do next,” the ruler said. “You have to remember this: even though squirrels are strong, humans can still kill us because they’re very, very cunning. They’ll lie, cheat, and steal to gain any sort of advantage over you. I won’t always be around to protect you.” 

Ah? Is the ruler going somewhere? She’s an immortal! She can’t die. Why can’t she protect me all the time? 

“I’m a squirrel too. Sometimes, I just want to nap, okay?” 

Oh. That’s fair. If I had to choose between a nap or saving my disciple, I’d have to think hard about it first.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter