TGL Volume 5, Chapter 6 (3)

I thought squirrels were stupid, but I nearly got tricked by some. Who would’ve thought the law enforcers would try to trick someone into breaking the law? Isn’t that illegal or something? At the very least, it’s unethical! Luckily, I know how to Soul Scour people and erase their memories, but if it were anyone else in my situation, they’d be screwed. Mm, there’s something wrong with squirrel society, something deeply wrong. The law enforcers are corrupt. Selling meat without a license is illegal. Status is determined by intelligence and not strength. What’s next? No pets allowed? Wait, no, pets are allowed. Slayer Junior has one. 

Ahem, moving on. What do I do with these law enforcers? I guess I’ll just leave them on the ground. Mm, there’s no door blocking the entrance to the burrow I was given; anyone can come in and take my stuff. It’s a good thing I have so many interspacial rings to store everything in, but even if I don’t have to worry about being robbed, I’d still like some privacy! I wonder how much it costs to rent a tree here. I wonder how much it costs to use the gate to go home. I wonder when I’ll be given time off of teaching to find out…. Wait a minute. I’m not alone! “Durandal, I need you to do some things.” 

Durandal came out of his weapon body and raised an eyebrow at me. “You want me to decapitate these squirrels?” 

“No!” Why’s that the first thing that comes to his mind!? He’s always ready to chop off someone’s head. “I need you to find out how much it costs to rent a tree, and I need you to find out how much money we need to go back to the Immortal Continent.” Were those instructions clear enough? I think so, but I should probably add a few things. “And don’t make trouble for me! No fighting squirrels, no killing squirrels, and no taunting squirrels! Oh! And you can’t do any of those things to their pets either.” 

Durandal furrowed his brow. “You make it sound like all I do is bring you trouble.” 

“Because that’s all you do.” Right. Aren’t most of my problems caused by Durandal? And if they aren’t caused by him, they’re still related to him somehow. “You know what? Never mind, don’t do those things. Puppers! I have a mission for you.” 

“I assume you want me to do those things you just told Durandal to do,” Puppers said as he appeared next to me. “Since I’m not an immortal yet, I can’t travel too far from my sock body, but handling those two tasks shouldn’t be an issue.” 

“Great!” Puppers is so much more reliable than Durandal. “Alright, Durandal, back into mini-DalDal you go.” 

Durandal stroked his chin. “Mini-DalDal, huh? That’s a term I haven’t heard in a long time,” he said. And he’s right! I haven’t said it in a long time. I almost forgot that’s what I used to call his weapon body, but somehow, I remembered. I really do think it’s the spiritual energy floating around. Durandal smiled at me. “I don’t feel like returning to my weapon body; after all, you’ve been pestering me to come out of it for such a long time. I think I’ll accompany Puppers on his mission.” 

…Why does Durandal always do the opposite of what I want him to do? Well, that’s fine. There are ways to put him back inside. “Flaming Blade!” Ah? He dodged? “Where do you think you’re going? Flaming Blade! Flaming Blade! Flaming Blade!” Hmph! So what if he’s an immortal? I can still trounce him! Whew, am I out of shape? Four swings shouldn’t make me so sweaty and hot! 

Puppers tapped my shoulder. “The tree’s on fire.” 

Oh, that explains why it’s so hot in here. Wait a second. The tree isn’t supposed to be on fire, right? What do I do? My Secret Phoenix Rebirth Technique lets me produce flames, but there’s nothing in the technique about putting them out. “Quick, Puppers, Sir Pot, think of something!” 

“The flames are spreading a bit too fast,” Sir Pot said and came out of my tongue. “Rather than thinking up of a way to stop the fire from spreading, it’s better to think of a way to shift the blame. First, you should place another cooking pot down and surround it with those three law enforcers.” 

Shift the blame? Am I the kind of person that doesn’t take responsibility? “What do you think is the punishment for burning down a school with children inside of it?” Uh, now that I say it out loud, I don’t want to be the one responsible. Right, if I’m blamed as the one who burnt down the school, if I’m not executed, I’ll be exiled! I can’t be exiled, not until I’ve gone back home to Sophia. Those law enforcers were part-time doctors. Even if they’re fired, they’ll be fine! I’ll place a cooking pot down and gather these drunk squirrels. Shame on them for cooking whilst drunk; look at what they did. …Am I a bad person? No! If I don’t do this, I’ll probably never see Sophia again! 

“Great, add some coals and make it seem like the fire started because they were messing around,” Sir Pot said. “Now, quickly, get out of here before someone sees you. Don’t run, teleport. Teleport to the top of the tree, just outside the classroom. Say you were late because the law enforcers wanted to speak to you about meat, but you gave them a cooking pot, and they let you go.” 

Whew, luckily, Sir Pot is a genius. It looks like he can do more than just cooking! However, why is he so good at shifting the blame? “Sir Pot, weren’t you supposed to be a good person?” 

“I’m a cooking pot. I’m not a person at all,” Sir Pot said. “The only person I care about is my master, you. Now, hurry before someone discovers the fire.”

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