Mm, Ilya told me there was a super strong person hiding inside of a building. He’s super-duper strong, but that’s not what’s special about him! Apparently, he has this rare treasure that Sophia really, really wants me to have. It’s a cooking pot, but it’s also like an interspacial ring! By using the right type of flames, Mrs. Feathers’, I can cook multiple things at once. There’s supposed to be formations I can fiddle around with to adjust the temperature inside of it, even heating up different regions separately! Imagine steaming a fish while baking a pie in the same device at the same time! It’s miraculous. Mm, something this magical should belong to me. It’s a fair tax for entering my land. To the building, I go!
“The other way, Lucia.”
…No one saw that. To the building, I go! I think it’s this way.
“To your right.”
…I think it’s this way. See? It was this way! Alright, now, I’ll just follow my nose. Mm, I smell … spices! Alright, the more I go along this road, the stronger the spices smell. Ah? Is that a group of people up ahead? They’re wearing white robes. We, the Righteous Holy Sect, only wear black, evil-looking robes! These people are totally invaders. “Taxes! Pay your taxes!”
“Huh? Isn’t that the senior who destroyed our defensive formations when we first entered?”
“Let’s see how strong she is without those deadly formations reinforcing her!”
“Senior Brother, we’re counting on you. Teach that half breed a lesson!”
Half breed? That’s something I haven’t heard in a while. People call me foxkin around these parts, and I think that’s much nicer than being called a half breed. Mhm. Besides, half breed implies I’m half squirrel, half human, but clearly, I’m mostly human and only partly squirrel! Well, these guys don’t smell like spices, so none of them is the super-strong person Ilya wanted me to deal with. I’ll just do a simple Durandal-catching technique. “Unrelenting Path of Slaughter: Net Catch!”
“Break the rope!”
“I can’t! It’s absorbing my spiritual energy! Which one of you perverts touched my butt just now!?”
“The transmission talismans aren’t working!”
Wow. Since teleportation is currently broken, none of them escaped! They put up bubble to stop the net, but it broke pretty easily. I don’t know why they don’t use something stronger than bubbles to protect themselves. You’d think they’d cherish their lives more. Well, it’s a good thing I’m a friendly, non-violent person, mhm! Alright, I’ll just reach through these gaps in the net and strip them of their stuff….
Mm, it’s a bit tricky taking off this person’s underwear through the net, but that’s okay. Those weird perverts buy ripped underwear too. Strip, strip, strip. Search, search, search. Ignore screams, ignore screams, ignore screams. And … done! Mm? This is robbery, and robbery is bad, making me a bad person? Nonsense, this is tax collecting. Taxation is okay; Ilya told me it’s legal theft. “Alright. Where do I put these people, Ilya?”
“Put them inside that building to your left and close the door. There’s a soundproofing formation there. I’ll collect them with my corpse puppet later.”
It’s nice having someone do all the thinking for me. Even though Ilya likes using me, I don’t mind too much! As long as our goals unite, she can use me however she wants. Currently, our goal is to rob, uh, forcefully take the magical cooking pot. I’m only a few blocks away from it; I can smell the spices getting even stronger. Mm, is that dragonhead garlic? It smells like dragonhead garlic! Ah? What’s dragonhead garlic? It’s a dragon’s head smooshed into the shape of garlic! Err, other way around. It’s a piece of garlic shaped like a dragon’s head! I got one from Mirta’s garden; it breathed fire at me.
And … I’m here! “Hey!” I kicked open the door, and a delicious smell washed over me! “That’s dragonhead garlic you’re using, isn’t it?” Ooh! There are so many bones in here! They look like belong to bears! “What kind of bears are these? I’ve never seen bear bones this big before! Do they taste good?” Ah! I was so distracted by the food, I forgot to look at the person! He looks like an ordinary hunter. His fur clothes are a bit bloody, but whose clothes aren’t bloody after a hunt or two? Eh? My tail is getting rigid. Mm, it’s not super perky and stiff, but it’s not limp either…. This person is strong! “You smell delicious!”
“I smell delicious?” the man asked and looked down at himself. He was holding a piece of sizzling bear meat in his left hand, and he was stirring the pot with his right. “Do you mean my food smells delicious?”
“Um, yeah, that’s totally what I meant.” Mhm. The wrong words slipped out of my mouth, okay? Ah, why does this person have to be a human? If he were a beast, I could totally chop him up and feed him to Sophia. “You’re a human, right?”
“Yes.” The man nodded. He was looking at me with narrowed eyes. “This blinding radiance, it belongs to you, doesn’t it? Why haven’t you ascended to the immortal realm?”
“I have a kid. If I go up there, who’s going to take care of her?” Mm? Is Softie saying bad things about me…. I’m getting the feeling she is. Well, it’s not like she can hear me or anything. “Anyway, I’m here for your cooking pot.”
The man stared at me. “This place was a trap designed by you, right? You must be the one holding Fairy Lin captive. If you hand her over to me, I’ll give you this pot.”
It’s Fairy Lin again….
“What’s wrong? Unwilling?”
“No, no, I’m totally willing!” Trading a person I don’t know for a magical cooking pot? That’s a no-brainer! “The thing is I have no idea who this Fairy Lin is. People keep mentioning her, but….” I shrugged.
It’s … Baldie? Ooh! That explains a lot! “Never mind! I know who she is! I’ll definitely trade her to you for your magical cooking pot!”
“Lucia…, the goal was to disable the man and take his cooking pot, not trade for it.”
“What? Nonsense! Why settle with violence what you can settle with words? You’re the one who always said I resorted to violence, so why are you nagging so much when I resort to words?”
“You—! Why—!? Ugh!”Previous Chapter Next Chapter