TGL Volume 4, Chapter 1 (2)

Ah, what a bright and beautiful day. Mm, all days are bright for me. All nights are bright for me too. Everything’s a bit too bright with this stupid door in the sky following me around, but I’ve gotten used to it thanks to Ilya’s special invention! She calls them door-in-the-sky-blocking things! Just kidding, she doesn’t call them that, but I think it’s a good name. Anyways, they’re these two circular things, very thin, that I put on my eyeballs, and they darken the light for me. Everyone I know owns a pair; even Sophia wears them! She still needs help putting them in and out of her eyes, but I don’t have to worry about that since Softie does it. She says I’ll poke Sophia’s eyes out or something. Can you believe that? I’d never poke Sophia’s eyes out … on purpose.

Ahem, anyways, speaking of Sophia, she’s…! Err…. “Hey, Sophia? How old are you now?”

“Five.”

Right. Speaking of Sophia, she’s five years old now! Too bad she doesn’t have any siblings yet. Durandal’s hiding from me still! He hasn’t shown up at all! I know he’s not dead since I can feel him inside my sword, but he just won’t come out. Once he does, I’m going to beat him up and prevent him from ever going back inside, hmph. It’s a good thing I have Sophia, or I’d have resorted to drastic measures for some kids!

“Mommy, look.”

Hmm? “What is it, Sophia?” She’s clinging to my clothes and pointing at the sky. Is there something up there? Other than the door, I mean. Hmm…. I think I see two people? “Ah? Did people come out of my door?” That’s never happened before! Mm, it’s a good thing Ilya prepared a series of instructions for me to read and follow for a scenario like this. Now, where did I put it…? Here it is! “Ahem, let’s see…. Step … one…. If … there … are—”

“Mommy, let me read it. You read so slow.”

Ah!? Sophia stole my paper! And what does she mean I read slow!? I read so fast! I read faster than my brain works! Hmph, hmph. Hah…, well, it just means Sophia is a genius. She must’ve inherited it from Ilya. Is that possible? Mm, maybe Ilya’s smartness rubbed off on her even though they aren’t related.

“Mommy, it says you have to see if they’re as strong as immortals.”

Strong as immortals…. How am I supposed to know how strong an immortal is? I’ve never seen one before! Ilya went on and on about immortals wanting to get revenge on me since I plundered their home sects or something, but they never did, and I completely forgot about them until now. Mm. Well, it’s a good thing those two people seem to be fighting. They’re attacking each other.

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy—”

“What? What? What is it?” Agh! Sophia’s going to rip my pants again if she keeps tugging like that! “Stop, stop! What did Mommy tell you about tugging on her clothes?”

“Stop pulling when it breaks.” Sophia let go of my pants and pointed up at the sky. “Are they as strong as immortals?”

Uh…. “Did Ilya include a way to check?”

“Yes.” Sophia nodded. “You have to hit them.”

I have to fly up and hit them? Err…. “Gimme that.” Hmm…. Oh, hey, it really does say I have to fly up there and hit them to see. That doesn’t sound right though…. “If they’re stronger than me, won’t they kill me if I attack them and lose?”

“If you lose, you press the button.”

“Button?” What button?

“The bottom of the page, Mommy.” Sophia pointed at the paper. “It says to press the button if you lose. The formation will appear and attack them.”

Formation? “How come it seems like you know more about this stuff than I do? Are you sure you’re only five?” Sophia’s so smart for a five-year-old. Maybe she’s actually six? I’m being bamboozled; I can feel it. “And what button do I press?”

“It’s all on the page.”

Oh. What do you know? There really is a button here. Mm, alright, let’s press it. Eh? I’m supposed to press it after I lose the fight? Nonsense! If this can beat the immortals after I lose, then it should be able to beat them before I lose too!

Beep.

“Mommy, you were supposed to press the button after losing.”

“Shush, Mommy knows what she’s doing.” Jeez. If I’m not wrong, Ilya already knew I’d ignore her and press the button! That’s why I feel completely confident pressing it. …But what does it do? Oh, that’s what it does. That’s a lot of formations….

“Lucia.”

“Ack! Ilya! Where’d you come from?” She came out of nowhere! Oh, right, she can teleport around too. “Anyways, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be in your lab or something.”

“I noticed you pressed the button and activated the defenses I set up around the door,” Ilya said. Her eyes were dark. It looks like she’s wearing the door-in-the-sky-blocking things too. “Two people? Are they immortals?”

“I dunno.”

Ilya sighed. “You didn’t fight them, did you? What does your tail say about them?”

“They’re weak!” Yep, that’s what my tail says. It’s completely limp, but for the past few years, it’s always been limp! I think it might be broken, so I’m not going to trust it for now. Mhm, safety first. I’m responsible now that I have a kid! …I was always responsible before I had a kid too, alright?

“They seem to be as strong as Mrs. Feathers,” Ilya said. She was holding up her necklace, pointing it at the two people in the sky. That’s how she records things. I have one too! All my videos are of Sophia! Oh, and some bowls. Mhm. Whenever I make a really tasty stew, I record the empty bowls to remind me of how good the stew was! Eh? How come I don’t record it before I eat it? How am I supposed to know if it’s good or not if I don’t eat it first? Duh.

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