Hey, this person’s pretty strong! It’s kind of fun swinging my hammer at his sword. The noise they make when they collide is great—mm, sends chills down my spine. Bang, bang, bang. Clang, clang, clang. Ring, ding, ting. Ah, wait a second. I’m not here to have fun! This guy’s trying to kill me! “Flaming Hammer!” The rebound feels nice too, kind of like a massage for my arms. I never knew I was so stiff! Well, I guess that’s what happens when I sit around for ten years without exercising. Not that I did that—it was only one day, okay? Whew, I never thought I’d say it, but it actually feels pretty good to use Flaming Hammer a hundred times in a row. I always hated practicing my Breaking Blades, but this is pretty enjoyable.
“You’re quite, ugh, strong!”
“Thanks!” I know I am, but that’s what makes this person so impressive. He’s actually standing his ground. Most people I smack run away and disappear forever when I’m not looking. Sometimes I’ll be looking and when I hit them, poof, they vanish, just like that. “You’re pretty good too!” Mm, I’m not feeling so rusty anymore. Let’s up the pace! “One Thousand Flaming Hammer Strikes!”
Ah…, I’m lucky my Armor of Slaughter protects my ears. This really does make a lot of noise. Well, it’s still daytime, so we don’t have to worry about waking anyone up. Even with my increased pace, he’s still blocking every attack. How long has it been since something like this has happened? The last time I got to go all out, I was smacking a tomb. Even Mrs. Feathers didn’t last this long. Wait, didn’t Mrs. Feathers get defeated in one hit? She’s pretty weak…. How’s she doing against that other person?
“You think targeting buttholes is funny, huh!? I’ll show you funny!”
Um…, she sounds fine.
“Getting distracted during our battle? Take this!”
Ah? His attack sneaked past my hammer!
“How did you block my attack despite being distracted?”
Mm, should I tell him? It’s not like it could hurt. “My Armor of Slaughter blocks all attacks automatically without my input.”
The man took a few steps back, and my hammer struck the ground instead of his sword. “I’ve read the ancient scrolls, but I didn’t think a demi-squirrel would be this strong. No wonder why it took several holy beasts to defeat a single squirrel: strong attack, strong defense, strong perception. However, I know your weakness!”
My weakness? I don’t have any of those! Except water. Don’t tell me…. Is he going to summon a crap ton of water?
“Behold!” The man held his left hand out, and a black box appeared. It smelled like something familiar…. Something tasty? Ah! He threw it towards me! “What do you think it is?”
Hmm.... I dodged the box, but it didn’t explode. What is it? There’s no sense of danger coming off of it either…. It must be—
Ack! “What the heck!? Why’d you attack me!?” I’m still trying to figure out what this box is! If I didn’t reflexively block with my hammer, I might’ve been injured. My Armor of Slaughter takes a bit of time to repair after one of his attacks. He must be hitting hard.
“Hmph! Behold!” The box disappeared from the ground and reappeared in his hand. “Don’t you want what’s inside?” He threw it at me but gently. It drifted in an arc and landed perfectly in my palm. There wasn’t any danger coming off of it at all. Were there acorns inside of—
“Hey! What’s the big idea!?” This is the second time he’s attacked me while I was distracted! “If you—”
“Behold! I know you want the item within!”
The box disappeared even though I was holding it really tightly! There’s something special about it…. I’ve never seen an item that could teleport like a person. Ah? Isn’t Durandal an item that can teleport like a person? Well…, his weapon body can’t, and his not-weapon body is pretty much a person. I guess he doesn’t count? Mm, this time, the man put the box on the ground and took a few steps back. He’s going to attack me again once I investigate it! I’ll hit him with a Flaming Hammer first. Ah? Wait a second. There aren’t only acorns inside of this box. This smell…, it’s definitely mixed with—
“F***! Can you stop doing that for one goddamn second!?” I just want to know what’s in the f***ing box!
The man retreated again, and the box appeared in his hand once more. “I … had my doubts when I read about this technique, but seeing it work…. Behold! What’s in the box!?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out, you bastard! Unrelenting Path of Slaughter!” I wasn’t using my path before because I wanted to take it easy and get some exercise, but this guy’s seriously pissing me off! With my Path of Slaughter active, I can’t hear or smell, which is perfect! I won’t be distracted by that delicious-smelling box anymore. Mm, I have to focus. First, I’ll beat the guy up. Then, I’ll open the box. “Flaming Hammer!” W-wait! What’s this guy doing with the box!? He threw it way, way behind me! I’ve never wanted to beat someone up so much before in my life! Hmph! He’s not the only one who knows how to scheme! I’ll pretend to hit him like this! Then I’ll actually teleport behind his woman and smack her like so! “Flaming Hammer!”
There! Now, while she’s stunned, I’ll take out a restraining rope and bundle her up. I’ve gotten really good at tying people up; I can do it in one second flat. And I’ll store her inside this life pouch like so. “Alright, Mrs. Feathers, let’s team up on that slimy box-throwing bastard now!”
I don’t know if Mrs. Feathers responded since I can’t hear her, but that doesn’t matter. It seems like taking care of this man’s woman was the right choice! He’s completely enraged, and like Ilya once said to me, angry people are the easiest to trick! Mm? When did she say this to me? When…, uh, I can’t remember, but I’m sure she’s said it before. How am I going to trick this man? Easy! I’ll pretend to swing at him from the left but actually attack him from the right! With how mad he is, there’s no way he’ll figure out my brilliant strategy.Previous Chapter Next Chapter