TGL Volume 3, Chapter 14 (7)

“—and then Ilya said she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore! Can you believe that? Why wouldn’t she want me? She said I was too violent!” Ah, I almost forgot how nice Snow was before he poisoned me. Wait, no, I really did forget and am only remembering now. He was so nice and easy to bully. Hah…. Why’d he have to go and get jealous at me for having Durandal? Just because he was the Godking’s grandson and I had his, maybe, just maybe, rightful family heirloom? Jeez.

“Well, you are violent,” Snow said and nodded as if Ilya was right.

He was obviously wrong, so I hit him. Too bad my hand passed through his head since he was a ghost. “You weren’t supposed to agree with her! Anyways, that’s all the problems I have at the moment.”

Snow rubbed his head and sighed. “So, you’re possibly being chased by immortals for being a squirrelkin, and you think Ilya not wanting to accompany you is your largest problem? Your priorities are still messed up, you know?”

“You’re messed up!” There’s nothing wrong with my priorities! Immortals might want to claim my tail, but they haven’t claimed it yet with no signs of them showing they want to. But Ilya’s already gone and left! One might happen; one’s already happened. It’s clear which one is worse! Ah? Wait a minute. “Right! My number one priority should be clearing this trial! Why did you distract me like this?”

For maybe the hundredth time, Snow sighed again. “You mean, you haven’t figured it out? You thought I told you to list out your problems because I wanted to hear them? Didn’t I tell you these were supposed to be hints to guide you?”

Eh…. Did he? I don’t remember, so he didn’t! In the first place, why would Snow want to guide me? He’s the one who tried to kill me once! Why help me now? Obviously, he has bad intentions. And the second trial’s voice said I had to face my heart devils, but Snow’s the only person who appeared. Doesn’t that mean he’s my heart devil? That must be it. So I sat down and had a face-to-face talk with him, but I didn’t clear the trial! And I can’t punch him either. There’s only one answer. I’ll channel the qi from the Secret Phoenix Rebirth Technique outside of my body and layer it over my fist. Then I’ll punch Snow! “Secret Phoenix Rebirth Technique: …Punch!”

A phoenix appeared over my hand in the shape of flames, and it screeched as my fist flew towards Snow. Snow barely leaned out of my striking range, but the phoenix shot forwards and struck his face. He screamed and tumbled out of his chair. His burning hair set the ground on fire as he rolled back and forth. Normally, stopping, dropping, and rolling should put out a fire. But not this one! All it did was help spread the flames evenly over the rest of him. As I thought, phoenix flames are magical. Not only can they kill voices, they can kill ghosts too! Mm, I suppose those voices were ghosts in the first place…. Anyways, why did I kill Snow? Because he wasn’t really Snow! After going through two temples, I already know how this works: this Snow was just the Death God in disguise!

“You’ve passed the second trial, getting the right answer despite using the wrong method.”

Wrong method? Violence is always the right method! There’s never been a problem that I couldn’t solve without a little bit or a lot of bit of violence. Ah? The scenery changed again. Now I’m on a giant staircase? What’s this? Treasure Finder said the third trial was … headhunting, right? Then what’s the point of the staircase? And it’s a really, really weird staircase, so much so that I don’t even want to call it one. Each step is the height of a normal step, but the width and length are too long! Each step is as big as a sect’s plaza. Could it be? We have to gather fifty heads on each step? Bleh, this is too complicated. My head hurts from thinking too much. Eh? Is my bone of knowledge wearing off? Mm, no, I don’t think so. I’m still smart! And because I’m so smart, I’ll wait for Mrs. Feathers and the barkeep to explain everything to me. Mhm.

Ooh, someone’s here! It’s … a stranger. Eh? He’s running from me? I thought these people were supposed to be seeking death! How come he’s so cowardly? It’s not like, oh, I forgot to put my qi back inside after punching Snow. These robes are really nice. They don’t even get burned by phoenix flames. What were they made out of again? …Some kind of fiery lizard or something. Chameleon! It was definitely a chameleon. That’s why it can transform! Anyways, when is Mrs. Feathers going to show up? A lot of people are appearing. Wait a minute…, didn’t Mrs. Feathers fail the second trial in the Despair God’s Tomb? Did she … fail this one too? Isn’t she supposed to be a magnificent and noble creature!? I wonder what her heart devil is….


That’s—! …Not Mrs. Feathers. “Hey, barkeep.” How did he pass before Mrs. Feathers? Well, he was the one that cleared the Despair God’s Tomb. It makes sense for him to be good at these things. Maybe he should be a professional tomb hunter like Treasure Finder. I think he found his calling.

Before the barkeep could say anything, the tomb’s mechanical voice made an announcement. “Everyone’s here. The third trial shall commence.”

“Wait! Mrs. Feathers isn’t here!”

“Reach the top of the staircase to proceed to the fourth trial!”

“You dumb voice! I said wait!” How dare it ignore me!? This is very important! What happened to Mrs. Feathers!? Didn’t the voice at the start of the second trial say succeed or die or something along those lines? Mrs. Feathers can’t die, right? It’s impossible! She’s a phoenix! Even if she does die, she doesn’t actually die!

“B-Boss, they’re starting.”

Eh? “I said wait, damnit! I’ll cut off the legs of everyone who moves!”

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