TGL Volume 3, Chapter 12 (6)

This wall’s taking a lot longer to destroy than I thought…. Well, I’m not tired at all, and I’m getting lots of bone fragments that I can absorb for focus later, so it’s not too bad, I guess. And it’s not like I have anything better to do. Well, actually, I could go off to find Softie, but … I want to know Durandal’s secrets more. Does that make me a bad person? Of course not! There are these things called priorities, and the secrets of the future father of my kids are much more important than meeting Softie again, especially since I know she’s doing okay. Mm, didn’t I rush back to the Immortal Continent to save her? Why was I hiding in the pocket realm again…? Ah! Immortals! That’s why. I’m pretty sure they wanted to hunt me down for my tail or something like being a squirrel—and everyone knows the most iconic symbol of a squirrel is its tail, so I’m not wrong to say that’s what they’re hunting me for.

Whew, another section of the wall collapsed. But the upper portion stays fixed in place. What if there’s something supporting the tomb from the inside? Like a pillar. Houses have pillars to support them, right? Even if its walls are destroyed, it’s not guaranteed that a house will fall down…. But is a house without walls still a house? Isn’t it just a ceiling with stuff under it at that point? No, isn’t a house also just a ceiling with stuff under it too? Mm? Did someone just poke me?

“Can you think normal thoughts?”

Oh, it was Ilya. What does she mean normal thoughts? “My thoughts are always normal because I’m a normal person, and normal people don’t think abnormal thoughts!” That’s right. Is she calling me abnormal? What would she know? She’s just a statue! …Of Ilya. Mm, maybe I am abnormal? Nah, it can’t be. Everyone’s wrong on occasion, and this is Ilya’s occasion!

“The leading contestant has reached the fourth trial! All the people who’ve failed to consume ten despair fish shall be ejected from the tomb.”

Ooh, I can even hear the voice from out here. It’s weird though; I’m breaking the walls and should be able to see inside the tomb, but there’s only a dark veil of smoke in the areas I’m destroying. Maybe it’s the boundary of the dimensional space, but I’m not complaining! It means all the water’s trapped inside. Wait a minute, how many trials are there anyway? Where’s Treasure Finder when I need her? What if that leading person inherits the Despair God’s crap, err, inheritance and escapes? Would Vera tell me Durandal’s secrets anyway?


Damnit, Ilya. How many times do I have to tell you to stop reading my mind!?

“I’ll stop when you accept the will of slaughter from within the crown on your head.”

Eh…. I don’t mind her reading my mind; it’s not like I have any secrets I want to hide anyway. Mm. I don’t trust this Slaughter God. He’s a liar, and the inheritance he left behind must be a trap. I bet he’s going to try to oust my soul and take over my body or something. That’s what old ghosts do, right? Otherwise, he should’ve just donated all his stuff to charity and dissipated after dying. Hmph. This Slaughter God thinks I’m going to fall for his tricks, but I’m not stupid! And I’m especially not stupid after absorbing the giantest bone, err, combined bones of knowledge to ever exist.

“It’s not a trap, Lucia.”

“That’s exactly what a poacher would say!”

“…Are these the trust issues you’ve developed after being betrayed by Snow?”

“They aren’t trust issues! They’re trusty lie detectors! People can’t lie to me if I don’t believe anything they say.” Mhm. I can’t be lied to if I don’t listen.

“Then why do you always ask me to solve problems for you if you don’t trust me?”

“Because I trust Ilya.” Duh.

Ilya exhaled through her nose. Was she upset? I didn’t think statues could get upset. I mean, she can’t feel pain; it doesn’t make sense for her to feel anger. “So,” Ilya said, dragging out the word, “why don’t you trust me when I tell you it’s not a trap?”

“Because you’re not Ilya.” Duh. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about this. Well, at least it’s easy to hold a conversation while demolishing this tomb. “Look, I’m not delusional, okay? I know you’re not the real Ilya; I just like to pretend that you are.”

Ilya sighed. “Is there any way for me to prove to you that it’s not a trap? Why do you think it’s a trap in the first place?”

“Nope, you can’t. My tail’s telling me so.” When I think about the crown, my tail feels a little stiff, so it can’t be a good thing. And I can’t take it off my head. “Oh! A bunch of Long family members came out. Where’s the barkeep? He has some good ideas sometimes even though he’s pretty weak.” Hmm, more than just the Long family came out. Those people who were trying to bully me by taking advantage of my weakness to water are here! Sure, their leaders aren’t here, but they’re … running away after seeing me? Ah? Am I that scary? If Mrs. Feathers were here, I’d tell her to go catch all of them, but she’s taking part in the second trial. Maybe I should’ve started with the second floor of the tomb instead of the first. But breaking things while I’m in the air just isn’t as satisfying because my feet have no grip!

Wait a minute…. Who says I can’t use my Footsteps of the Giant while I’m in the air? It works by sending qi out of my feet to grab things, letting me walk upside down. But what if I’m a tiny bit away from the ground? My qi can still travel that far to the ground from my feet. And what if I add a little more space to that? And some more to that? If I add enough qi, I can walk on stilts made of qi, effectively walking on air while still being on the ground! I’m a genius!

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