TGL Volume 3, Chapter 11 (7)

It worked! The spear stopped absorbing my blood and qi after a mountain hit the slaughter brat in the face! Mm, I only have one mountain though, so I can’t throw another, but that’s okay! “Onwards, Mrs. Feathers! We’re going to slaughter, err, teach every last one of them a lesson!” That’s right, not slaughter. I can’t let those voices tell me what to do! I’ll just beat these people an inch within death. And then maybe I’ll let Mrs. Feathers kill them. Then their deaths won’t be on me. Mm. Sounds like a plan.

“That’s not a technique!”

Eh? The slaughter boy escaped from underneath the mountain really fast! I mean, I could probably get out just as fast, but not if I was stuck underwater. Though I’m sure getting hit by a mountain would hurt at least…. Does he not feel pain? Mm, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that a mountain’s on the ground! And there’s no water at the top of the mountain where the slaughter boy is standing! There’s absolutely no chance of drowning up there; I can fight without worries.

“Got it, Boss! I’ll burn them all to death!” Mrs. Feathers, who had a red spear sticking out of her butt, whirled around. She must’ve been pretty mad because she heated up like crazy. The furs on my tail were curling from the heat! A massive golden fireball flew out of Mrs. Feathers beak and exploded on top of the mountain. And … there goes my plan of fighting on top of it. It’s all on fire! Surprisingly, none of the people who were on top of it screamed. Maybe it was a gentle flame? Mm, who knows.

“Old Man Despair, how long are you going to stand there and watch!?”

“Does the slaughter boy need help?” the old man, who was also an evil sorcerer floating atop the water, asked. “It seems like you and your sect are her targets. And the despair leaking out of you is quite pure. I see absolutely no reason to intervene.”

“You shitty old man! I’ll remember this!” The slaughter boy was on fire. But the water was putting him out, very slowly though. How hot and sticky are Mrs. Feathers’ flames? Now that I think about it … I never got hit by her fire before, did I? How did I subdue Mrs. Feathers again? I teleported over her head and whacked her with my hammer. Right. Too bad teleporting’s restricted here, or I’d do the same to that spear-throwing, tail-targeting bastard!

Ah? The tail-targeting bastard’s eating … despair fish? And he disappeared! What?

“Remember the rules of the tomb,” Ilya said, answering my unasked question. Seriously, stop reading my mind! “Once you eat ten despair fish, you’ll proceed to the second trial.”

“But it wasn’t like that for the other tomb.”

“I’ve already said that the two tombs aren’t the same! The Slaughter God’s Tomb was much nobler, allowing last minute reversals before the hour was up. Here, the trial is distasteful, forcing people to eat ten fish and abandoning their companions in the process.”

“Then do you need to eat ten fish too?” This Ilya’s a statue, right? Even if she’s a statue, I have a feeling she’ll try to escape from me if she can. I’m not sure why. Must be my instincts that are usually never wrong.

“No, as a statue, I’m more similar to Durandal than I am to you. Think of me as the item spirit inside your crown. Vera’s like that too along with all the other statues Durandal was torturing to get information.” Ilya passed me the net full of despair fish. “Here. Eat these and pursue that quasi-immortal. He’s weakened.”

Of course! Ah? But what about the barkeep’s family? “If I give the barkeep fish to give to his family, he’s going to get robbed instantly because he’s so weak….” Should I wait and distribute these fish first?

“Don’t worry, Boss,” the barkeep said. “Helping me is helping my family. They’ll understand.”

That solves everything! “If you say so; here, eat these.” I’ll stuff his face full. Then I’ll stuff Treasure Finder’s face, and Treasure Finder’s friend’s face, and ten fish for Mrs. Feathers, and … I should’ve eaten the fish first! Mrs. Feathers disappeared and the water’s rapidly approaching from below!

…Phew. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything that fast in my life. I’m not even sure how the despair fish tasted. Mm? Where am I? No, where’s everyone else? It’s a white room. Odd. “Ilya, are you there?”

Guess not. How about you, annoying voice number one?

No? Annoying voice number two?

“Durandal?”

I’m scared. Ah! I know! I’m in my womb! Like that time the lying Slaughter God told me there was a portion of his will in the fish. There must’ve been a portion of the Despair God’s will in these fish! Hmph, who needs Ilya to be smart?

“Welcome to the second trial!”

…Smart people are wrong sometimes, okay? Does this mean I’m really alone? Wait a minute! There’s someone I didn’t ask. “Puppers, are you there?”

“Yep.”

“Really!?”

“Nope.”

Huh?

“It’s just me, the director of this trial. I saw a chance to dash your hopes, so I took it. Isn’t the feeling of despair pure bliss?”

…Recently, everything that annoys me comes in the form of voices without bodies. And I can’t beat them up because there’s nothing solid to hit! It makes me so, so mad. Grr.

“For the second trial, you’ll face three of your worst nightmares! For you, that means you’ll have to face—! Uh….”

…Hello? “Face what?”

“Hang on a second, I think there was a mistake in judging your worst nightmares.”

Do mistakes like these happen often?

“You..., you have to … read a book out loud?”

What? “That’s easy! Bring it on!” Thank the fake Ilya I learned how to read!

“Here you go.”

Thump!

Eh? “Didn’t you say I had to read a book?” How is this a book? Isn’t this a giant stone mountain that happens to be rectangular and not made out of stone but paper? “How is anyone supposed to read this!?” This thing is made up of so many pages that it’s taller than I am! It’s longer and wider than a mountain too! Mm. It’s decided. “Can I quit?”

“Yes, you can, but are you sure you want to—”

“Yes! I quit!” I’d rather take my chances with touching the tomb’s defensive formation! Wait a minute…, isn’t the defensive formation only active when the tomb’s not open? I’m sure one or two people must’ve brushed the door on the way in, but they didn’t rip their faces off and explode…. That’s it! That’s the answer to getting the inheritance! All I had to do was wait for the tomb to open before absorbing it.

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