TGL Volume 3, Chapter 1 (1)

Whew, I’ve been cultivating for a while, almost a whole day! That’s the longest I’ve ever Heart Devil Cultivation Techniqued myself without pause. Softie once said people usually cultivate for days at a time, but I didn’t believe her. Maybe it’s true? But what she said about experts cultivating for years at a time is complete nonsense! I’ve been cultivating for a day, and I’m already so, so hungry. I’ll starve to death if a few more days pass! Hmm. Am I an immortal yet? I diligently cultivated for one day. I should be an immortal now. That’s totally fair. Let me see….

Darn. I don’t think I am. I feel bloated, almost like every part of me is stuffed to the brim with acorn stew. I think if I absorb a little bit more, I can become an immortal. Or explode. But there’s something stopping me from absorbing anymore heart devil wormies, so I don’t have to worry about either. When I was where Softie was, the wormies from the pocket realm couldn’t go there. But it doesn’t work that way in reverse! All the heart devils I planted in all those people over there can still fly over to me. It’s nice. So many tingles.

Anyways! It feels like I’m one step away from becoming an immortal! I think. Maybe two steps? I don’t know; I’ve never turned into an immortal before. I’m pretty sure it’s one step away though because something’s bugging me. It feels a little like I need to sneeze but can’t and my nose is stuffed—but with qi. Once I sneeze out all that qi, I’ll become an immortal. But I don’t have the feather to make me sneeze! Once I find the feather, I’m definitely going to break through. I wonder what the feather is….


It’s a mystery.


Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten all day?

The Path of Slaughter demands slaughter!

I know!

Yes, embrace your heart of slaughter.

Whenever I don’t know something, I can ask Ilya! That’s because she knows the answer to everything. And if Ilya knows, then that counts as me knowing too. Mhm.


Shut up, dumb voice. Ilya told me what you are! You’re called an intrusive thought, and I shouldn’t listen to you. Normal thoughts don’t involve killing people!

That’s better. What was I doing? Right! I was going to ask Ilya how to become an immortal. But first, I’m going to review my body condition. Softie told me that’s what people do after cultivating to make sure nothing’s wrong, but I always ignored her because I’m awesome and rules don’t apply to me, but! If I’m going to become an immortal, then I have to do it properly. Mhm. When I set my sights on a goal, nothing can stop me!

…Except food. I think I’ll eat first. Softie also told me impurities are bad and will hinder my cultivation. That’s why, I specially requested Ilya to make me food that doesn’t have impurities! They’re pills that taste like chocolate because there’s chocolate inside of them. Well, they do have impurities, but the pills’ effects force them out of me right after I eat them. Isn’t that amazing? Ilya calls them dumb net-zero impurity-cleansing pills. But she calls them dnzic pills for short. I’m … not sure if I pronounced that correctly. I just call them chocolate pills. Anyways, they’re not as good as meat, but at least I can eat them without guilt. Even if they aren’t as good as meat, they’re still tasty. They’re filling too!

Phew, now that I ate three barrels of them, I can finally…, what was I going to do? Ask Ilya how to become an immortal? No, that’s not right. There was something else…. Right! Body inspection! Apparently, there’s this technique that I never bothered to learn called internal inspection. With it, you can see inside of yourself! But I never learned it, so I have to do this the old-fashion way. A full-size mirror! Yep. Mhm. I see. As I thought, I look amazing. …How does this help with cultivation and becoming an immortal? I should’ve watched Softie do it, but I always interrupted her instead because I didn’t want to wait.

You! Follow your heart of slaughter!

Oh, it’s the intrusive thought again. I won’t be fooled!

You planted the seed of slaughter! You walked on the Path of Slaughter! If you wish to become an immortal, there’s only one way!

La, la, la, I can’t hear you.

Slaughter! Kill! Bathe in the blood of your enemies! Tear their hearts out! Rend their souls!

Whew. No wonder why Ilya tells me I shouldn’t listen to my intrusive thoughts.

I don’t understand. You’ve done it before. You’ve reaped millions of lives. Hundreds of thousands of people have fallen beneath your blade. Why are you hesitating now?

Wait a minute…. Are intrusive thoughts supposed to be like this? I don’t think they’re supposed to communicate so well…. Could it be…? I’m mentally ill!? …Nah, there’s no way that’s possible. I mean, look at me! I’m the definition of sane. Mhm. Just because I occasionally hear voices inside of my head telling me to kill people doesn’t mean I’m crazy. “Durandal?”

“Yes, Lucia?”

“Am I crazy?”


What!? Why!? “F*** you, I’m not! Puppers, am I crazy?”


“I’ll beat you if you say yes.”

“You’re completely normal, Lucia.”

“Hah! See? In your face, Durandal!”

Durandal sighed.

I’m not crazy. Everyone hears strange voices on occasion. It’s perfectly normal.

Is this … a heart devil? Something has placed itself on your road to immortality, blocking me, your Path of Slaughter. You’re no longer certain in yourself. Slaughter is the only way! Slaughter those who obstruct you! Slaughter those who disagree with you! Slaughter those who piss you off! Slaughter everyone! Slaughter!

…Okay, I think I’ll ask Ilya to make me a necklace that stops voices from appearing in my head. While I’m at it, I’ll ask her how to become an immortal too! Hmm? I said I would cultivate nonstop until I became an immortal? Nonsense! Besides, I already stopped, so it doesn’t matter even if I said I would, which I didn’t! Anyways, where’s Ilya?

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