This exchange is … boring. Well, at least Ilya seems excited. Right now, we’re watching alchemists performing alchemy. There’s fire and cauldrons and ingredients…. This is exactly like watching someone cook without the good smells that accompany roasted meat! At least I won’t get hungry. Well, I will, but not from this. Ilya’s master is up on the stage competing against all the other sects’ alchemists. I’ve decided to forgive her for temporarily taking Ilya away from me because she taught Ilya how to make qi-regenerating chocolate orbs. Aren’t I magnanimous? I forgive people very easily! But I’m bored! This focus bone requires me to focus on something! I’ll finally finish organizing everything I’ve gathered over that year of terrifying sects. Hmm? I didn’t do it earlier? Of course not! Each sect I robbed gave me close to a thousand thousand interspacial rings! Where was I supposed to find the time to go through all my loot? I barely managed to find time to eat during that hellish year of training! But Durandal had skimmed through the stuff and picked out appropriate things for me while taking all the swords for himself.
“T-this again?” Softie asked when a pile of stuff appeared by my feet. “Are you looking to learn new techniques?”
“Nah, I just want to organize this.” I’ve hidden an uncomfortable number of interspacial rings on my body! If it weren’t for the fact that these rings have a massive amount of space inside of them, I wouldn’t be able to carry around all my spoils. Some rings have more space than others—Ilya says it’s because the people who created the bigger rings were better at it, but Softie said the rings were made out of a higher-quality space ore. Why do they always give me conflicting information? Sheesh. “Ilya, want to help?”
“No, this is a pretty useful learning experience for me,” Ilya said without taking her eyes off the stage. Maybe she’ll be able to make acorn stew that recovers qi later. I look forward to it!
“Alright, Softie, what’s this?” I picked up the thing on top of the pile. It was round and kind of looked like an oddly shaped ball.
“That’s a clam shell.”
“Oh. That testicle-looking thing.” I remember clams! I know not to eat them because they taste horrible. “Why was this in an interspacial ring?”
“It’s an ingredient commonly used in alchemy,” Softie said. “You grind it up into powder and add it to things. I’m not sure on the specifics.”
“Okay, so this goes in the useless pile.” I shoved it away into the designated useless-stuff ring and grabbed the next thing. It would be annoying to have to ask Softie what everything was every time, so I’ll just stare at her with expectation until she identifies what I’m holding.
“That’s a bundle of talisman paper. If you inscribe formations on it, you’ll be able to use techniques at no cost to yourself, but the talisman will burst into flames. They’re commonly used by mortal-realm experts. A saint-realm expert doesn’t need a talisman to set up a formation.”
So these are the things that those invaders liked throwing back in the territory when I first met them. Into the useless pile it goes since I have no idea what a formation is. I picked up the next item.
“Those are undergarments.”
Well, yeah, I can see that. “But what does it do?”
Softie’s face turned bright red. “Um. Hide the important bits in case your clothes are destroyed? I don’t know what you want me to say, Lucia.”
“I know what underwear is! I was just asking if these were special or not.”
Softie becomes weird at the strangest times. It’s odd. Whatever. Time to put these into the useless-stuff—
Hmm? I turned my head, and this man was standing right next to me! When did he get here!? He was wearing pink robes and had long flowing hair. Maybe he was a she? What’s with people and their ambiguous genders!? “What?”
“I was just wondering. Where did you get those?” The pink-robed man pointed at the panties in my hand that I hadn’t yet stored away.
“Hmm. I think I stole it from some kind of oyster sect disciple in Kong County.” Why did this person need to know?
“They’re emitting quite the fragrant scent.”
…He’s a pervert. How sick and depraved! I should shoo him away before people start to think I know him.
“I’ll buy them from you for ten spirit stones.”
But I’m not one to turn down free money! “It’s a deal.”
Softie stared at me, the person who was now ten spirit stones richer, and shook her head before sighing. “He’s from the Seducing Succubus Sect. Their cultivation techniques are a bit … deviant.”
The pink-robed man laughed. “That’s a nice way to put it,” he said and smiled. He tried to walk closer to me but stopped when I growled at him. “I’m willing to buy any kind of used underwear you may have, Heart Devil Lucia. It seems like the rumors of you plundering Kong County were true.”
“What about unused underwear?”
“I have no need for such unscented things.”
He’s a true pervert through and through. “Alright, you weird stranger, I’ll sell you all the underwear that I don’t need.”
The pink-robed man blinked and drew his head back. “Stranger? Didn’t I introduce myself?”
“Oh, right. I didn’t. My name is Blooming Rose, but you can call me Brother Rose.”
“I’ll never acknowledge you as a brother.” Seriously! I can’t associate with perverts! Isn’t there that famous saying? Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are? That’s why I surround myself with smart people like Ilya and Softie. People will think I’m smart too! Aren’t I a genius? And that’s why I can’t associate with people like this pervert. At most, I can only sell used underwear to them. With that, I decided to stop going through my rings one at a time. Instead, I went through all of them to find the underwear! The pervert even bought men’s underwear. I can’t believe Durandal didn’t get rid of these while he was looking for swords. What’s he doing, making a young and chaste lady like me touch such grotesque items? By the time I finished scouring through all the rings for underwear, the alchemy portion of the exchange had ended … along with another three portions that I’m not sure what they were because I was too focused on my current task. And I finally sold all the underwear for a nice tidy sum of … too much to count. I’ll make Puppers count it later.
“Junior Lucia, it’s your turn to go up on stage.”
Oh! It’s finally my turn! Wait. Why does the sect leader have two black eyes? “What happened to your face?”
“You weren’t watching?” the sect leader asked. His expression changed, but his cheeks were swollen too, so I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. Actually, his whole face was swollen like a pig’s.
“Nope. I was selling used underwear.”
“…The people I planted heart devils in during the last exchange all plotted against me. I fought thirty-eight rounds in a row.”
“Ooh. Did you win?”
“No.” The sect leader sighed. “I lost to that old fogey from the Righteous Buddha Sect. Chosen Lucia! As your sect leader, I am giving you a mission of utmost importance! Beat that old fogey’s grandson until he’s a millimeter away from death! Do you understand?”
“I understand!” But not really. I only said I did because his attitude was saying I couldn’t not understand. What the heck is a millimeter? Mm. I’m supposed to be smart. A meter is a unit of distance. And he wants me to beat the grandson a lot. I got it! “You want me to inscribe runes on every bone in his body and absorb them without killing him!”
“Can you do that?”
“No clue. I never tried.”
“Well, don’t do that. That’s cruel and unusual. Just hit him until even his mother won’t recognize him anymore. Oh, and there’s no pressure, but you better get first place.”
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