Chapter 44: There’s something on your face
“Boss, didn’t you say you weren’t going to investigate on why I skipped work this morning? I don’t have to tell you where I was. It’s my privacy.” I was becoming more and more stubborn these days.
“Well, you’ve had previous convictions, of course I have to watch out for you.” Suyang flatly stated as he leaned his body towards the left. Most likely, he was playing a race car game and needed to make a right turn.
“What do you mean by previous convictions?”
“You didn’t care about your life in the past. Who knows whether you’ve gotten into some trouble again…. I have to keep an eye on you on a daily basis. Because of you, I’ve already aged more than a decade! At the end of the day, am I your actual boss or are you my boss?!”
As Suyang continued to jabber on and on, I squeezed out a forced smile. Sadly, I was already involved with the Xu Weishan mystery. However, I still tried to reassure him, “Don’t worry about me. Why would there be so many things for me to get involved in? Stop blindly accusing me.”
“Then come and play a game with me!” Suyang seemed to have finished with his current game. He patted to the spot next to him, “This is your boss’s order. Come here.”
How come I felt like a dog instead? I was a bit annoyed, but nonetheless, I still woefully went to his side.
“For you!” Suyang handed me a video game controller, “This is how you move forward, backward, left, right, accelerate, and drift...understand?”
“Understand my ass!” He spoke faster than my Senior High School health studies teacher. Even a ghost wouldn’t understand.
However, Suyang disregarded my protest. The game was starting, and he was clearly bullying a newcomer. We played a total of three rounds and he won by two rounds. After his win, Suyang appeared to be joyfully satisfied as he insulted me, “You suck at basketball. You also suck at racing.”
“That’s because I haven’t gotten enough practice. If I play a few more times, watch me surpass you!” How could I let him look down on me?
Hence, our battle began. We played hundreds of times, and I lost hundreds of time.
“I’m not playing anymore!” I felt like I was going to explode from the continuous losses. So, I threw the video game controller aside and reclined on the couch. Deep down, I was thinking, he had already played for so many years. Whereas, I have only played for a day. How could I beat him…
“Are you tired?”
“My heart is tired!” I shut my eyes. I was honestly very exhausted. I would have fallen asleep in a few more seconds.
“Your face….” Suddenly, Suyang used his hand to pinch my face. I was so surprised that I hurriedly opened my eyes to escape from his evil clutches.
I heartlessly slapped his hand away and snapped, “What are you trying to do? Sexual assault? Psycho…”
“No. Don’t move.” Suyang placed one of his hands behind my back and prevented me from moving backwards. Then, he shifted towards me and tilted my chin up with his other hand as he stared at the left side of my face. He spoke forcefully and with justice, “Strange….”
Here we go again. Suyang is always making intimate moves on me without giving any prior notice.
Likewise, my heart was pounding without prior notice. “What is it?” His tone made me feel frightened.
“There’s something…..” Suyang licked his finger and began to wipe his saliva on my face, “on your face.”
“Huh!?” I grabbed Suyang’s wrist and made an excuse, “Your saliva...is so filthy!”
“Filthy? There’s something sticking on your face, I’m helping you remove it!”
“No need! No thanks!” I rolled off the couch and ran to the washroom to see what was on my face. I touched the faint red bloodstain on my cheek. It was Xiao Xin’s blood.
I stood in front of the mirror for a very long time as I fixedly stared at the bloodstain like I was watching a whirlpool. My eyes continued to enlarge. What type of world was this poor child living in? I had no idea.
While I was deep in thought, Suyang had leaned against the washroom door. His presence brought me back to reality. “Why haven’t you wiped it off? I seriously don’t know what you’re doing on a daily basis…” It sounded like he was complaining and investigating at the same time. Suyang was waiting for an explanation.
“This blood belongs to an eight or nine year old child. Today, he was on the swings underneath a tree."
As I spoke, my voice began to tremble more and more. It was as if there was something stuck inside my heart and throat. I felt overwhelmed. “This is his blood. He collapsed in front of me without any prior warning….” I whispered.
“Stop thinking about it. If you keep imagining the scene before you, it will constantly repeat in your mind. You will experience the same intense emotions again and again. You may be grieving. Or perhaps it's pity or sympathy.”
“I don’t know… my heart just feels very numb. It’s hard to breathe.” I pulled a tissue out and wiped the bloodstain off my face. I weakly turned to Suyang. “I’m tired. I’m going to return to my room and lay down.”
I wasn’t sure when my eyes had turned watery, but Suyang had become a very blurry image. I could still vaguely see his nod though.
I shoved my head into the pillow as I thought to myself, If I’m already suffering to this degree, how much the fake Xu Weishan is going through?
I didn’t even have the strength to pull up the curtains. My eyelids grew heavier and heavier.
*dong dong*. I was awaken by sounds of knocking. Sure enough, Suyang wouldn't be Suyang if he'd allow me to have a good rest.
“Enter.” I simply responded with one word. I didn’t bother to turn my head as I waited for him to speak. But I only heard his light footsteps. It sounded like he had placed something on my bedside cabinet, then exited the room.
By the time I turned around, Suyang was nowhere to be seen. On my cabinet was the book that Suyang had wanted me to buy for him today. What were his intentions? I reached over and grabbed the book. I disassembled the packaging and opened the it. As I lay down, I turned to the first page. There was a preface:
Emotion is what gives life meaning. There are two types of massacres: one is to satisfy the self-ego, while the latter is due to the desire for others’ emotions.
Deep down, thanks to emotions, all of us possess the seed of destruction.
All of us have a measuring cup inside of us. No one knows its marked scale until the negativity has exceeded its load.
Since every single human possess emotions, there isn’t an absolute good or bad person. No one has the qualifications to judge a person based on their characteristics. Who created the labels? What’s the boundary to a good and bad person?