102 I want to go back!
“What? She’s the one Li Qing was referring to? The only other person with double identity disorder who appeared in the Split Zone?”
Gaoqin Jiuye nodded. “That’s right. Double identity disorder is already unusual in itself, and having the two separate personalities captured and brought to the Split Zone at the same time is something almost impossible, unless other unique factors were at play - just like how Nie Zun’s personality and that of yours coincided. In Bian Ying’s case, it was something else. I’m not sure what it was but what I know is that Piercer devoured one of her personalities, causing her to become someone with an incomplete consciousness.”
“Satan Cang Ming was furious when he found out about this, and tortured the couple for more than 10 days. Nobody knew what happened in that time, but in the end, he wanted to take the child away, and he also wanted Ah Wen’s life. I know the couple because I was the one who rescued them.”
“How did you save them?” I cautiously asked, sensing that it was not as simple as it sounded.
Gaoqin Jiuye glanced at me. “Curiosity killed the cat.”
I shrugged. “But I’m not a cat.”
“Anyway, the couple moved out of the Southern District after that, and I didn’t ask where they were going either. Zou An is pitiful, and now that his wife and child have left him, I just hope you can understand him.”
I don’t blame him actually… It’s because he loved Ah Wen too deeply that he hates me so. Any kind of hatred, no matter how misplaced or illogical it is, would probably be worthy of redemption if it was for love.
“There’s nothing much I resent. They’ve gone through so much, and as a district commander, I wasn’t able to provide them with the peace and serenity they hoped for when they chose to live anonymously in the Western District. That’s my fault, of course,” I said with a rueful smile.
Gaoqin Jiuye probably did not expect it, as he seemed rather surprised to hear me say something like this.
What I’m more concerned about is how you managed to save the couple. Since you mentioned that Cang Ming is just like Satan, how could it be possible that he didn’t pursue the matter further? How did you save them? Gaoqin Jiuye, just what secrets are you hiding?
The more important question is, why would you actually do something for this poor couple? You’re cruel and ruthless. Apart from Si Luo, you don’t seem to care about anything or anyone else. Does this mean that all this time, you’re not the kind of person whom everyone thought you were?
My thoughts raced as I looked at his eyes.
“I haven’t talked so much in a long time. It’s rather tiring. Let’s go, bring me around.” There was a fleeting moment of warmth which swept past those eyes of his.
When I thought I was mistaken, he suddenly grabbed my hand and started walking.
I was utterly stunned.
Lowering my head, I looked at his hand that was holding mine. This action of his was done so smoothly and felt so natural.
Gaoqin Jiuye… What kind of person are you?
As I looked up at his cold and handsome features, I felt that he indeed shared some similarities with Gao Qi. All of a sudden, a thought flashed by me. What if it wasn’t a coincidence that he looked so much like Gao Qi?
Could there be a correlation here…
“Oh, bring me to see you,” Gaoqin Jiuye interrupted my train of thought.
“Hm? See, see… me?” I was slightly surprised.
“Yeah, to see ‘you’.”
To see me… The me who is now lying in a psychiatric hospital?
“Let’s go, stop running away,” that firm and enchanting voice sounded in my ear.
Before long, we were in the hospital.
“Since not much time has passed here, it should still be the same room. Right here.” For some reason, even though I could not smell the odor of disinfectant used in this familiar hospital, I still felt a chilly aura in the surroundings.
Feeling a little exhausted, I leaned against the corridor, looking at the familiar room in front of me.
“Not going in? I’m going in.” Gaoqin Jiuye actually smiled at me while saying this.
In my moment of hesitation, he pulled me by the hand into the room before I could protest further.
Just like spirits which could pass through walls, we passed through the door and went into the ward.
Nothing has changed here. There was one single bed, a small drawer by the side, and on the windowsill still stood the cactus plant I like.
There was no one in the room but a pallid girl on a respirator lying on the bed.
I twitched my lip. “It’s weird looking at myself like this. It felt like I was watching a movie back then in the Great Hall, but this right now, it’s quite an experience.”
Gaoqin Jiuye did not seem to pay attention to my muttering and kept his gleaming eyes on the ‘me’ who lay on the bed.
He turned back and looked into my eyes. For the first time, his voice was gentle and warm, and it did not carry the slightest hint of chill, “Maybe you really should think about how to go back.”
I was stunned by his words.
I looked at him in surprise, and his eyes contained an emotion I could not comprehend.
This… is it heartache, or is it… something apologetic? Why would he be apologetic??
Why did he have such an expression on his face…
I furrowed my brows as I was not used to seeing such eyes, and I did not want to see these previously suppressed emotions.
But I knew it was useless, as it was always difficult to warm people’s hearts.
“Go back? Heh, back to this body, looking at the cactus every day in this tiny room, telling myself I’m mad?” I mockingly asked as I pointed to that pale face on the bed.
“But look, she’s not happy sleeping there.” Gaoqin Jiuye walked over to ‘my’ side and reached out his graceful hand. It looked like he was about to touch ‘my’ face, but his fingers eventually sank through the pale skin.
Looking at his fingers, I saw that the skin under ‘my’ eyes seemed dark and tired.
Are you not at peace… Is it because of how I’m living in the Split Zone…
But do you know that no matter how difficult life gets in the Split Zone, it’s still easier there compared to being in this world.
Although the Split Zone is a place of bloodshed, murder and competition, it doesn’t ostracize or mock me, and there’s no isolation or loneliness there.
There are many people with me in Split Zone 13…
I looked back as the door opened.
Her face was thin and gaunt, and her eyes were sunken. There were some strands of white in her hair, and it was tousled around her ears.
My mother walked in, looking worn out.
However, her eyes glimmered when she looked at the ‘me’ who lay on the bed, as if she was instantly refreshed. She smiled brightly and quickly walked towards ‘me’.
“Child, ma is here to see you. Did you dream of anything today? Did you dream of mum? The weather is warmer now. Wake up soon after you’ve slept enough, I’ll bring you out to see the sun.”
“Child, don’t be afraid, no one will mock you when you wake up. With Dr. Jin’s help, you’ll be well in no time. As long as you wake up, I’ll be by your side to protect you.”
“Child, here, let me help you clean up, I know you love to be clean…”
My tears were already falling, flowing onto my neck and down my chest.
“Ma---!” I screamed.
Her small and frail back seemed to pause for an instant, and her eyes seemed to look around the room as she turned her head back, before she gave a bitter smile and continued to help clean ‘my’ motionless body.
“Ma!” I rushed over as I cried. All my suppressed emotions erupted in an outburst, and I could not think of anything else.
I tried to hug her, but no matter how many times I tried, I felt nothing but cold air.
“Ma---! I’m here! Ma, look at me! Ma!” My vision was blurred and my heart started beating furiously. I was overwhelmed by sorrow.
“She can’t hear you. Don’t cry anymore.” Gaoqin Jiuye could stand it no longer and walked up behind me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and attempted to stop my arms, which were still flailing and trying to get a hold of my mother.
“She can’t see me! She can’t see me! She can’t see me! Ahhh! Waahhh!” Messy strands of hair stuck to my tear-stained face as I turned around. Grabbing Gaoqin Jiuye by the shoulders, I activated my MF. My sharp nails, together with my fingers, pierced through his shirt into his arms.
Gaoqin Jiuye looked sympathetic, and he looked like he could not bear to do so, but he held me down firmly, saying, “You. You calm down, Li Shen.”
My vision fogged up with tears once again, and Gaoqin Jiuye’s face became distorted.
Calm down… I can’t calm down!
I thought I didn’t care, that I didn’t want to return, I thought living in the Split Zone was good. I thought I could live like that forever, punishing myself for what I did to Gao Qi, not needing any redemption!
I only discovered today that I had wanted to return so badly, that the only thing left for me to do was to run away from my wishes and not carry any hopes from the moment I realized I wasn’t alive!
Although I knew there was no hope, I still wanted to go back…
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