Chapter 56: The Toilet CrisisOriginal and most updated translations are on volare. If this is being found anywhere else, it has been stolen. Don't support theft. :(
Seeing Bai Lianhua’s unhappy expression, Qing Xin’s heart felt uncomfortable. She recalled what she heard Young Master Jun and Bai gongzi talk about today and bit her teeth. She thought things over with conflicted feelings in her heart, but in the end her heart still leaned towards Bai Lianhua. She said, “There’s something wrong with Li Xueyi!”
Bai Lianhua thought she was talking about the matter of Tang Doudou and Baili Yu being homosexual so she didn’t pay much attention and casually replied, “I know. Alright, that’s enough. Let’s stop talking about this. Look at my makeup, are there any problems with it? There’s quite a few people coming today and many of them are here for Baili gege. This makeup was designed by a highly skilled cosmetologist that I had specially sought out. Hopefully it will make Baili gege take an additional look!”
Qing Xin was initially surprised but then deduced that Bai gongzi must have told her and didn’t say anything else. She examined the makeup carefully, nodding with satisfaction as she looked at her beautiful as a flower face. “Miss Bai’s makeup will definitely enchant Master!”
Hearing this, Bai Lianhua’s heart finally felt a little better. Lifting up her handkerchief, she said, “It’s already quite late, let’s head over.”
On the other side, Tang Doudou had already gotten to the rumored plum sea.
She was completely stunned, having never seen such a wonderful scenery before. The plum sea that stretched as far as the eye could see was like the white snow that spilled down from the skies. It blanketed the entirety of the skies and the ground, and also merged with that blue sky in the horizon. It was truly even more beautiful than scenes on picture scrolls.
That fresh and clean fragrance of plums swept over, carried by the wind as it roused people’s minds.
Scattered plum blossom petals fluttered in the wind like a dream or a fantasy scene. Tang Doudou was wearing a white robe as she treaded out from the dark bamboo forest and felt as if she was entering the realm of dreams. For a moment, she even forgot that she needed to go to the restroom.
After a long while, her stomach finally transmitted a sharp pang of pain and she slapped her head. Let’s find a restroom first!
She can come back to slowly appreciate the scenery after she took care of it. However, she couldn’t help but sigh again regarding how Baili Yu seriously knew how to freaking live lavishly way too much. There’s a plum sea, peach sea, lotus sea… Corresponding to the three seasons of winter, spring, and summer. Then, could it be that in autumn he looks at a chrysanthemum sea?T/N
Imagining that scene, Tang Doudou gave a nefarious snigger. Hehe, as expected, extraordinary people had extraordinary interests.
Cough, better find a restroom first!
Retrieving her thoughts, Tang Doudou wandered about in the plum sea till she saw a small river appear ahead. After she walked along the river for a while, she saw a row of little wooden houses.
When she saw those simple yet still beautiful wood houses, Tang Doudou immediately knew that she found the right place.
This was probably the place where those gardeners lived.
Thus, she hurriedly walked towards the wood houses. Outside the houses, there were quite a few women and children laughing and playing merrily. The clothes that were hung up in the courtyard to dry had quite a lot of plum petals on them. There was a little kid that was twirling the flower petals off the clothes. He had good eyes and immediately saw the Tang Doudou that was heading this way and hurriedly turned back to shout towards those adults, “Mother, there’s a celestial jiejie heading this way.”
Hearing this, the woman that was gossiping shot him a rebuking look and laughed as she scolded, “Where in the world would a celestial come from? You don’t know anything, so don’t talk nonsense!”
The little child became unhappy and pouted as he pointed his chubby little hand ahead, “There, if that’s not a celestial then what is it?”
Seeing that he didn’t seem to be just kicking up noise for fun, everyone directed their eyes over.
And ended up really seeing a celestial-like person walk over amid the plum sea that fluttered in dance across the sky. His white robe floated slightly and his black hair danced in the wind. His brows and eyes were like that of a painting, his aura quiet and exquisite as the moon and his pair of clear pupils were especially captivating.
Seeing the person that came, the same question arose in everyone’s minds. Could it really be a celestial?
But then they immediately rejected this thought. Today was the Plum Garden Gathering. As with previous years, there were a lot of handsome and talented youths as well as gorgeous young women that arrived. With that many people, there’s bound to be one or two celestial-like people.
Not to mention, they’ve all seen Master before. That is a person even more celestial than celestials ah!
When she thought about Master, that missus immediately snapped back to her senses. Based on this person’s temperament, he was probably Master’s friend. This was different from other guests, so she immediately went up.
Tang Doudou saw that someone came out and increased her pace further.
In a few moments, she arrived at the front of that courtyard and politely asked the missus that came to welcome her, “Excuse me, Big Sister, is there a toilet here?”
The missus didn’t think that the person would be this straightforward, but it was a pity because the missus didn’t understand what he was asking about. The missus was blank for a moment, then asked, “What’s a toilet?”
“Eh…” Tang Doudou slapped her head. How did she forget this? “It’s latrine, latrine! Is there a latrine?”
Heavens, after holding it in for so long, she’s already reaching her limit ah! Even she was impressed with herself.
“Oh!” Only then did that missus suddenly understand. So it turns out he was looking for a latrine. Seeing his impatient appearance, she guessed that he probably ate something bad and had upset his stomach, so she hurriedly moved out of the way and pointed towards a small shed next to the wood houses. “That’s the latrine, gongzi…”
She hadn’t even finished speaking when Tang Doudou turned into a gust and ran to the latrine in a blink. Pushing open the door, she got in and shut the door, then expelled a breath in relief.
Leaving behind an entire courtyard of wide-eyed people with their jaws dropped. Wasn’t this speed a little too fast?
And the little kid that was picking off the petals pouted and muttered, “Uses the latrine, she’s not a celestial ah!”
His face was filled with sadness at not having seen a celestial.
The missus glared at him with an expression that said stop talking nonsense. Even though he wasn’t a celestial, but he was a master who needed their service even more than a celestial. As a servant, they should just do their duties properly. As for other matters, they should avoid talking about things that they don’t have to talk about.
It was exactly because of this that they had never been fired by Master and were able to work in the Plum Garden for so many years. In addition, Master even helped to arrange a stable lifestyle for them and their later generations were also given guaranteed protection. Even without anything else, just the last guaranteed condition was enough for them to be deeply grateful towards Baili Yu.
The missus’s thoughts were simple. After she exhorted everyone not to gossip about this in the courtyard, she stood outside the latrine to wait for Tang Doudou to come out.
Today was the Plum Garden Gathering so their men and daughters have all went out to busy with the event. Only the married women were left here, waiting for Lady Meng Yu to arrive and bring everyone along to prepare today’s lunch banquet.
But it had already been so long, yet Lady Meng Yu still hasn’t arrived. She was afraid that if they delayed the lunch banquet, they would be punished by Master. Lady Meng Yu was greatly valued so she would definitely be fine, but their circumstances weren’t the same. That’s why, she wanted to get information about Meng Yu from Tang Doudou and find out whether she was going to come. If she wasn’t coming, then they’d have to start thinking of ideas ah!
But how could it have occurred to Tang Doudou that there was actually someone outside waiting for her to come out? At this current moment, she was extremely conflicted. This problem was finally dealt with, but now a new problem has shown up.
What is she going to use to wipe?
Her gaze landed on the bamboo chunk stuck in the left side of the latrine. Just looking at that thin piece, she felt her chrysanthemum hurt. So there wasn’t even the need to mention the time when she saw the post online about how ancient people used this block of bamboo. Just thinking about it caused her to feel fierce disgust. Then, she lifted her head forty-five degrees up to look speechlessly at the sky. Do you dare to let a couple rolls of toilet paper experience the fun of transmigration?
The answer was nope.
Back when she was in the Plum Garden, it was still okay because Baili Yu, that damned nouveau riche liked comfort and to enjoy life. So she, who was brought along, could still use fine writing paper. Even though the hardness of that paper was still quite a pain on the ass, but it was still acceptable ah!
But this bamboo chunk… Tang Doudou retrieved her gaze and rubbed her numb legs, extremely distressed.
If only she had a phone ah. Then she could call Qing Yin and have her bring some writing paper over…
Slapping this unrealistic thought flying with a palm, Tang Doudou then recalled that when she had just arrived, there were quite a lot of people in the courtyard. If she called loudly, they’d probably be able to hear her?
And so, she cleared her throat, then shouted, “Is anyone outside?”
She didn’t shout that loud because she felt a bit embarrassed and what if someone just so happened to be passing by right outside? But the odds of this was so low that she didn’t expect it to be true at all. After she opened her mouth, the skin of her face got a lot thicker so she gave another cough and was just about to shout again.
But unexpectedly, a deep voice came from outside, “There is.”
If it weren’t for that fact that she was squatting over a hole, Tang Doudou would’ve jumped from the shock. Jesus ah! Mu Ye that ghost! Why hasn’t the soul of the deceased dispersed yet!? Why did he follow her over again!?
That’s right, the one that had replied to Tang Doudou was Mu Ye.
As for that missus, she had already long left and gone somewhere.
Mu Ye was outside. Tang Doudou’s heart suddenly started thumping nonstop. God ah, you can’t play like this. All she was doing was squatting over a hole and she also didn’t do any shameful deeds this lifetime ah, why must she be given such bad luck!?
Mu Ye who was standing outside was still in a black robe as before, but the robe this time was also slightly different from before. The black robe today had dark gold thread embroidery in intricate decorative designs that were conspicuously dignified and domineering. Some strands of hair were left hanging in front of his forehead to obstruct the view of his ice-cold blue pupils, and the hair on the back of his head was half tied up and half left draping over his broad shoulders. This manner of dressing actually softened the cold aura he gave off and increased his demonic charm.
If Tang Doudou had crawled out this moment, she’d definitely be stunned by him again.
But sadly, she was still biting her thumb and staring dumbly at the latrine door, completely stupefied. She was actually being trapped inside the bathroom by someone.
This is something that only happens to elementary school kids, alright?
Just like the time when she was little, she remembered that she went to pull down the pants of the little handsome in the class next door. After she ran seven or eight circles around the playground while being chased by the little handsome, she ran into the restroom to hide and refused to come out, allowing that little handsome to stand guard outside the bathroom. He had to watch helplessly as she made akanbe faces at him because he didn’t dare to go in to catch her. He even called her a little lecher and wanted her to take responsibility.
In the end, the little handsome was taken away by a teacher for a scolding. His pitiful and tearful little face as he was being taking away bothered her so much that she felt guilty for the following few days. In the end, she went and apologized to that little handsome and they became good friends.
Time rushed past like a white colt (rest of the saying: like a white colt passing through a country). In a blink she had transmigrated to another space-time, yet past events were actually reoccuring and she had been trapped in a bathroom again.
Tang Doudou was very distressed ah. Even more distressed than the time she had transmigrated over.
Say, Mu Ye was such a big demonic head and the Demonic Sect was such a big sect, so shouldn’t he have a lot of matters to take care of? Why does he always seem like someone with nothing to do and always come find her for trouble?
Where exactly had she offended this da ye? Or was it that Li Xueyi, that guy had stolen his underwear? That’s why he would hate her this much?
If it’s really the case, she’ll just apologize, alright?
Alright, she’s definitely overthinking things this way. But even if he’s looking for her to settle a debt, trapping someone inside a restroom isn’t a game that people, as adults, should play ah. Tang Doudou thought about it, and felt like she couldn’t continue to be silent like this. At the very least, if there’s a matter, he should still let her get out of the bathroom before they discuss it, right?
Just as she finished thinking things over and was about to speak, Mu Ye who was outside spoke first. But what he said actually thundered Tang Doudou to the point that she was scorched on the outside and tender inside.
What he said was this: “I know you’re in there.”T/N2
His voice, was as always, cold without a trace of emotion. After saying that, he paused for a time length of several breaths, before speaking again, “Let’s make a deal.”
Credits: Translated by Chiyomira, Edited by ed.L
T/N - modern slang… chrysanthemum = anus…
T/N2 - seems like something children say I guess. I remember hearing my brother say it whenever I locked him outside the house and hid behind the door while holding my breath.
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