Chapter 1: A Reality Show?
The moment Tang Doudou opened her eyes, she was swarmed by a pack of women with heavy makeup and various kinds of low-cut clothing. A casual look painted it as a scene of magnificent curves and a jungle of flesh and wine.
Gulp. Da heck was happening?
Shouldn't she be fast asleep in the hotel right now? The moment she cracked an eye open, she saw this place which seemed like a transvestite party site.
Could it be that she was dreaming?
This act in front of her was also way too unimaginably outrageous. Even if it was a dream, she was a woman that was straighter than a desert's solitary smoke*, why would she dream of such an unrestrained scene?
大漠孤烟 - Desert's solitary smoke is a phrase from a poem, the entire phrase has one additional word: 直, which means straight. The smoke is from a fire beacon, and smoke isn't straight, but our MC's just playing on words, no hidden meanings, I think.
Look at how these women are dressed, they all look like ancient era brothel women. It couldn't be that in her subconscious mind, she actually liked women? And such heavy taste to boot!
Tang Doudou lifted her hand and covered her eyes. Heavens ah, she was actually this kind of person!
But that's not right either! With suspicion in her eyes, Tang Doudou rubbed the lethal weapon that came over. It was very meticulous, supple, and elastic; she became even more puzzled. Such a realistic sensation......
Oh my god, this couldn't be real, right?! Tang Doudou was alarmed by her thought.
She quickly pulled over a random woman. "Hey, this Big Sis, where is this place? Are you guys acting out roles?"
"Owwie, gongzi, you’re hurting this servant..." A coquettish blaming tone. Hearing it made Tang Doudou drop a floor full of goosebumps with a whoosh.
公子 - "gongzi" is a way to address a guy, usually someone of pretty good background; like the son of an official or the son of nobility. It's pretty much Mister except not quite.
"Gongzi?" Tang Doudou exposed a look of surprise. Seeing that woman stroking her hair coquettishly while facing her, she violently shuddered, feeling a chill. Mommy, this place is really scary, I want to go home!
"Gongzi, you've called so many sisters here, which sister are you planning to have stay behind?" The woman leaned towards Tang Doudou. How could Tang Doudou possibly have the nerve to allow the woman to lean on her? She hastily dodged.
The woman saw her dodge as if she was avoiding a snake and immediately turned back around sharply. Her red lips gently parted as she smiled sweetly. "Aiyah, gongzi, what are you dodging for!?"
Big Sis ah! It's not that I want to hide. This woman is seriously making a passionate effort to fawn upon another woman, sister seriously can't hold up ah!
Tang Doudou shuddered and she shifted around in her seat.
She still hadn't figured out the current situation, so how could she have the presence of mind to deal with these big sisters? Her clear bright eyes looked around at the strange surroundings. The more she looked, the more alarmed she became. She was finally sure about one thing, this isn't the hotel's design!
This couldn't be a recording site for a live reality tv show, right?
But she never received a notification ah! Meow meow miii*! To do this, they probably want to see her shameful performance, don't they?
In Chinese, 'miao' = meow and is the sound a cat makes. 'mi' is a sound for calling a cat. 'Miao miao mii' and other variations like 'miao a(one) mi' have no actual meaning. They just sound cute and are often used by modern people to express anything from outrage to shock to amazement.
As she thought of those surveillance cameras that were in every possible nook and cranny, and those manipulators that set up pranks with mischievous attitudes just for the sake of satisfying the curiosity of the masses, Tang Doudou couldn't help getting a bit angry!
Hmph! You want to play? Then Big Sis will properly play a round with you!
"Gongzi~ Could it be that you dislike this servant? Are you thinking that this servant isn't as pretty as those other girls? Why are you being so cold to this servant...."
That prostitute pouted playfully as she spoke. Her tender and soft body seemed to be itching to stick onto Tang Doudou's body and her voice was supple to the point where water could drip out.
Then, that woman actually grabbed Tang Doudou's small claw and did a very bold and off-the-scale action!
Tang Doudou instantly returned to her senses. Her dull eyes followed her arm and looked over, meeting head-on with a pair of charming silk-like eyes. She then looked at her own hand which was currently gripped and placed onto that woman's chest, and the way it was still being intentionally dragged back and forth by the woman.
Hell! Tang Doudou was immediately thundered to the point where she was scorched on the outside and tender on the inside. Haha, people from the city sure know how to play!
There was really no need to mention these women's acting skills, they could practically throw the leading roles of some television dramas hundreds of streets away! Their acting seemed pretty much no different from natural personality!
Look at the setup, it was seriously a big production scene ah!
Tang Doudou's eyes lit up. It looks as if they really got serious this time! Just for the sake of making her look dumb, they've practically even spurted blood*!
"spurted blood" means to put in a lot of effort, and might also connote to spending a lot of money.
This was such a golden opportunity, wouldn't it be wasting their good intentions if she didn't give a proper performance?
Credits: Translated by Chiyomira, Edited by Prady
Lethal Weapon Discussion Amongst the Editors
S: This sentence doesn't make sense. What is the "lethal weapon"?
M: Ehh, I assume it's the male's, uhh, reproductive organ.
C: But she doesn't reach for her crotch until later lol
M: Oh that's right... In that case she touched the girl's breast, calling it a weapon to make sure she's not dreaming? But yeah, it makes sense I suppose. Still weird she went there to validate she's awake xD
As you can see, this is a super funny and silly novel. There's a lot of slang and funny sayings which makes this novel a challenge to translate even though the situation is pretty straightforward. I've chosen to keep a lot of the sounds that really have no meaning but to give a more informal and outrageous tone to the words like 'ah' and 'ya' as well as keep some of the sayings in their literal forms rather than the connotations. Because 'spurted blood' really gives off a different feel than 'really put in effort', no?
Also, this novel often directly shifts from describing the situation in third-person-ish pov directly into her first-person pov reaction, so if something confuses you, I highly encourage you to take another look and puzzle it out! I really found this fun to read so I hope my translations will be just as fun for you and that you'll grow to love this novel! Enjoy~