I quickly looked away and pretended to be at ease. “When I met you again later, you were much steadier…”
“Because I experienced many wars and I understood that impulsiveness would only cause trouble.” He Lei’s soft voice was hoarse. “I was really glad to see you again then and my heart was racing very quickly. I didn’t know you made my heart throb. I thought I was just excited to see you again but… my heart never beat as fast when I saw Sayee or other girls. I still remember how my heart beat then…”
“But you don’t like men…” I felt awkward, and even the surroundings seemed to turned stuffy.
“Yeah… I don’t like men.” He Lei looked down slightly and he seemed puzzled. “When I saw men together, I would find it awkward and I would get goosebumps all over. But somehow, when I see you… I don’t feel that way. I even felt that you are just like a girl…”
I am a girl, He Lei. Your sixth sense is accurate.
“You have a… peculiar vibe. I wanted to just look at you, at your smile… You are very cute, even cuter than a girl…” He smiled gently, the corners of lips revealing a doting love that made me shy. “Bing, actually, I already fell for you back then…” He looked away, stealing a glance at me from the corner of his eyes. I didn’t dare to look at him as I was blushing too.
“I fell for you when I went to Silver Moon City with you. I was deeply attracted to you. The way you fought a war, your combat skills, your wisdom, your kindness, your smile, your everything is so charming. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Bing, you are a dazzling North Star. That’s why you caught Xing Chuan’s attention and why he became obsessed over you!” He Lei turned to look at me. He didn’t hide his feelings for me anymore. His affection gaze made it difficult for me to look straight at him.
The past replayed in my head. He really had become more awkward when he had gone up to Silver Moon City with me, but he had still safeguarded me so Xing Chuan couldn’t get close to me.
“I was too stupid back then. I was deceived by the fact that I couldn’t accept romance between two men and I didn’t notice my feelings for you. That was why I felt suffocated and grumpy. I didn’t know why I was upset then. I only knew that I felt uncomfortable when I saw you with other men. I was so stupid that I thought it was because I saw you with other men. Heh…” He shook his head and smiled bitterly, then let out a heavy sigh. “Now that I think back, I still find myself stupid then.”
Standing before him, I didn’t know what to say. At that very moment, whatever I said would be embarrassing.
“I have been wearing the amulet and the hairband you gave me.” He pointed at the shimmering badge on his chest.
Of course, I knew. I could see the badge and the hair ribbon all the time. The one I had given him before was torn but he still tied it on his hair.
“Bing, I hope that you won’t find it bothersome after I expressed my feelings for you. I hope it doesn’t affect our…” Embarrassed, he stuttered anxiously, “...relationship.”
“It won’t.” I looked up at me and he smiled, finally at ease. “I didn’t dare to say it out because I was worried that you might avoid me."
“I won’t. I think highly of you!” I said. His affection gaze slowly moved down. “It should be… when I first saw you. I already admired you then. Your amazing superpower, your fearless self against the enemy, and your resolute actions… Oh yeah, and how responsible you are towards girls and how you carry out your promises!” I emphasized and looked at him with admiration. “I am in awe of you!”
But he became sheepish under my admiring gaze. He looked to the side. “Bing, I am the chief. I have the obligation to reproduce and boost people’s morale. That’s why I have been asking myself. If you didn’t have Harry or Raffles…” His expression became solemn as he thought about his speculations. “Would I still have the courage to express my feelings for you so you can be with me? Because I have to marry a woman and give birth to babies. Could I even share a woman with you…”
I suddenly felt goosebumps all over, but I didn’t find it disgusting. It was the end of the world after all. It was a special time. From a man’s angle, I should be glad that he was willing to share his woman with me because women were precious in the world.
“But would you be willing?” He watched for my reaction, as though his speculation had come true and he wanted an answer from me.
“I…” I furrowed my brows as he watched me solemnly. “I am not willing to,” I looked up and answered him straightforwardly. His eyes quivered. He looked away and smiled calmly, seemingly at ease yet also melancholic.
The night breeze howled between us and we sank into silence again.
We stood opposite each other under the moonlight for very long, and no one spoke.
“Bing,” He Lei spoke again. He turned to look at me extremely solemnly. He seemed as though he was saying an oath. “Please believe me that my love towards you is serious.”
“I believe it,” I said. My expression made He Lei relax. His eyes that looked like the dark night became gentle too. “Thank you, Bing. I am at ease now. I don’t have to avoid you. I don’t have to bury my feelings.”
I lowered my face as the night breeze blew against my cheeks. “Actually… There’s something that I never got the chance to tell you…”
“What is it?” He became serious.
“I didn’t intend to hide it from you but I never found a suitable opportunity to tell you. Every time we met, we bid farewell so hastily. So I…”
“I understand. We really spent a very short time together.”
“Yes, so I can tell you now. But can you promise me that you won’t be angry at me?” I glanced up at him apologetically.
He was stunned at my apologetic gaze. Blushing, he placed his hand on his chest. “Hold on. What’s going on? My heart is racing now.” His expression seemed to be more akin to his younger self, that impatient young man from years ago.
Blushing, I lowered my face. “Promise me that you won’t be angry. Then, I will tell you.”
“Okay, I won’t be,” he promised without hesitation.
I smiled and nodded. I then lifted my chin to look at him. Once again, he got carried away by my smile.
“Let whatever between us settle down and calm down for a night. Be mentally prepared too. You will find out the truth by tomorrow morning.” I smiled widely at him.
Stunned by my smile, he didn’t respond.
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