Book 6: Chapter 82 - Confess

“Why didn’t you shove Ah Zong away when he kissed you?” He finally spoke, but he still didn’t look at me, only continuing to walk forward. I touched my face and replied, “I got used to it…”

His body stiffened and I looked at him apologetically. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“No, I don’t find it awkward anymore.” He stopped, his shadow stretched out under the moonlight against mine. “At first, I found it awkward that a man likes another man. But I…” He turned to look at me. With the moonlight shining on his back, he looked darker than usual, especially his dark eyes. “Not awkward…”

I looked up at him, the moonlight washing over my face. “Ah Zong… he loves me but he knows that I don’t love him back. He continues to stay by my side so we…” I furrowed my eyebrows and looked down. “We are like best friends. So…”

“That’s why I feel like I am not like a man! Because I can’t even do better than him!” He Lei suddenly blurted angrily, as though he was throwing a tantrum at himself.

I watched him confusedly, and measured him up and down with my eyes. “Which part of you doesn’t look like a man?”

He Lei’s body stiffened. He turned around in embarrassment. “I am not referring to my body.”

“Oh, then…”

“I like someone.”

“Sayee?!” I blurted out, but unexpectedly, he only looked even more embarrassed under the moonlight.

He glanced aside sheepishly. “Not her."

Suddenly, I was embarrassed.

I was so embarrassed that I wanted to get lost immediately. It’d be best if Xiao Ye cracked an opening for me to sneak in. 

This is embarrassing…

I tried to save the situation. “It’s… It’s okay. I like Harry and Raffles too!”

He gradually calmed down and looked down. “I find myself silly. I didn’t know I liked him too. Every time I see him with another man, I feel awkward. At first, I thought I found it awkward because it was a romance between two men. But in the end… I realized that it was actually because I saw him with another man…”

“Hold on. You… like men?!” I stared at He Lei in surprise. He Lei… turned gay!

He turned to fix me with a burning gaze. “Yes, I fell in love with a man. I was so stupid that I didn’t know I fell for him. I was so stupid that I thought I felt awkward because it was a romance between two men. I was so stupid that I only avoided him when I saw him with another man. I was so stupid that I realized my feelings only after I lost him. I was so stupid that every man around him confessed their love for him, including the sissy Ah Zong, but only I continued to feel all tied up about it!” 

I was instantly stunned. I stared at him blankly but my mind was in chaos. “Could the person you are talking about… be…”

He gazed at me affectionately. His gaze deepened, turning into the deepest pond in the world. The pond was rippling vigorously from the pain of his entangled feelings. WIthout warning, he leaned down and kissed my lips.

Instinctively, I pushed him away. He stumbled and I glanced at him in embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He seemed relaxed, his gaze dropping to the ground. “The reason why I felt conflicted is because I didn’t dare to confess my feelings for you. And also, I promised Sayee… So, I lost my right to love you.” He looked up and met my eyes frankly, stunning me again.

He looked at me deeply. “Bing…” He extended his hand and moved closer to my face. When his hand touched my skin that was cold from the night breeze, a deep whirlwind stirred in his dark eyes, churning with affection. “I fell in love with you but I promised to marry Sayee. I am a man. I have to abide by my promise. You pushed me away today so I can finally give up hope. I can leave this complicated feeling behind. I will continue to stay by your side like Ah Zong. I will continue to love you and protect you like him.”

I continued to gape at him in shock. I suddenly felt the complicated feeling of being simultaneously confessed to and rejected at the same time.

“Bing… I originally intended to keep this secret deep down in my heart. But, but I really can’t hide my feelings. You know that I have always acted immediately and resolutely. I can’t hide my feelings for you, especially when I saw you again…” He extended another hand to hold mine. Walking closer to me, he looked deep down into my eyes. “I have to tell you my feelings. I don’t want to bury my feelings with me when I die at war. Seeing how Ah Zong is so frank with you, I feel that I should tell you too.”

He gazed deeply into my eyes, slowly moving closer to my face. The moonlight between us gradually disappeared, and I immediately looked away. He instead hugged me tightly in his arms, placing his right hand at the back of my head. “I don’t want to lose you again. As long as you are doing well, as long as you are within my sight, I am at ease. I really regretted handing you over to Xing Chuan. I should have brought you along with me. I should have brought you along with me!” He intertwined his fingers in my hair and gripped tightly, his obsession obvious in the tight hold that hurt my hair.

That was the reason why He Lei always avoided me when Harry and I were together?

He… likes me…

But he has to take responsibility for Sayee. He is a good man.

“He Lei, you are a good man.”

He slowly loosened his grip but he didn’t let me go. “Why must people lose something before realizing that it was what they wanted…” He sighed in deep regret.

“Because we were too young and we were silly,” I joked. I too had only understood my feelings for Harry after I had gotten to Silver Moon City and seen him surrounded by many girls.

Heh… Yeah, we were too young and too silly…” Letting go of me, he smiled down at me. “When I first met you, I was only seventeen. You looked even younger than I was.” His smile looked less tense under the moonlight, with a tinge of warmth from an elder brother. 

Mm.” I nodded. “I just turned sixteen.”

“I was only a silly boy back then,” He Lei made fun of himself. “I only knew to hate and take revenge. I nearly hit you, didn’t I?” He Lei stroked my face.

I took a step back unnaturally, lowering my head. Failing to touch anything, his hand paused in the air.

“Yes, you were impulsive. You were like a cornered beast that only knew to throw a tantrum. But that is still better than Xing Chuan who pretended in the corner.” I smiled. I looked up and my gaze met He Lei’s. My heart started racing and my face began to burn under his heated gaze.

 

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