Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys?

Dear Grace,

Why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.



*For those who are unaware, ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly withdrawing from all communication without explanation.

Dear C,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been ghosted a few times. In this day and age, it is quite common to be “ghosted” by guys or girls. With dating apps and social media left and right, most of us are chatting with multiple people all at once. Here are 2 common reasons why people do this:

  1. People want to compare and see who they like the most before settling for one (Note: some people may only wish to casual date). People like having options to choose from.
  2. People are bored and want some entertainment in their lives. Perhaps, they’re simply curious to see who would “like” or “swipe” them back. They may have no intentions of meeting or dating you from the beginning.

Then, why did he show so much interest at the beginning before disappearing?

He may be afraid of commitment and responsibility. As my friend said, “Responsibility is the killer of attraction.” Chasing is the fun part. But if the guy knows you’re very serious, he may realize that if he continues this path, he will have to commit and be responsible. It may or may not be something he is ready for.

He probably likes someone else more than you. Assuming he is chatting with multiple people, he may have begun to become more selective with the girls he is speaking with. Many guys I have spoken to often tell me that they are quite generous with their “likes” and “swipes”. Usually, it isn’t until after they have matched with the girls before they will begin to seriously read their profiles and decide whether or not they want to message them. Maybe, after a few rounds, you didn’t make it to his top choices.

He may have other priorities in life at the moment. Maybe something came up and he decided he doesn’t want to focus on dating anymore.

He may feel like he is unable to meet your needs. Some guys are dreadfully afraid of disappointing a girl. If he doesn’t believe he can give you what you want, he may just leave and find someone else.

There are definitely many other possible reasons that I haven’t listed. But if he ghosted, you’ll probably never find out.

So you may be wondering, why doesn’t he tell you how he feels instead of ghosting?

It may be because he barely knows you or doesn’t feel comfortable confronting or communicating with you. If you’ve only exchanged a few messages online, you two are practically strangers. He doesn’t feel obligated to be so clear and open with you.

I know you may possibly feel like it’s your fault. Perhaps…If only I had responded differently, he may still be interested? However, I urge you not to feel this way. If the guy does not want to invest or commit to you, it is better to let him go. Don’t hold onto something that doesn’t want to be held.

I can’t guarantee you won’t be ghosted in the future, but try to stay optimistic! Don’t let a few bad experiences deter you from trying to find something worthwhile. Good luck!


P.S. Do you have any suggestions for C? Leave it in the comment sections below.

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